Gun that targets people spinning in circles while I'm iceskating
The guy who once stabbed Violet
Benner
The military industrial complex/Mik
Wins but doesn't kill me
Lack of sleep
Endangered animal (I'm not alowed to fight them)
May 14, 2023
Adrian
Violet and AC
Really tall shoes
Probably Wins
Loud noises
The common cold
Staircase
Big bird (Sesame street)
Medium to large birds
Any horror movie scenario
Calvin
Up to 4 pigs that are REALLY trying
Prety even
AC
Air conditioning
Temperatures between freezing and boiling
I probably win
Angry Rooster
Small explosion
Up to 4 pigs
Being told to screenshot instead of taking a picture with my phone
house
I win
Temperatures below freezing
Small to medium sized bird
Therapy
Bowl of Rev Noodles
Created Feb 6, 2026
Ever wondered how you'd fare in combat against... literally everything? This brutally honest self-assessment pits the creator against an absurdly diverse array of opponents, from the mundane (temperatures, loud noises, staircases) to the oddly specific (a wild hog accompanied by a farmer with gun and flashlight, Big Bird from Sesame Street, someone spinning in circles while ice skating).
The rankings span friends like Anjana, AC, and Lucy, abstract concepts like therapy and "May 14, 2023," household dangers including falling pianos and small explosions, and escalating pig scenarios. Whether facing endangered animals (legally off-limits), Rev Noodles, or the entire military-industrial complex, this chaotic catalog reveals both fighting confidence and delightful self-awareness about one's limitations.